What are the uses of KY Jelly?

With the frowzy boss away in Europe, I sit behind his messy desk. On top and all around it are documents. I've been through this before, so I won't describe it again. From this perspective, however, I can see under some of the crap on his desk. One object not visible before is a container of KY Jelly. First incredulity and then disgust fills my mind. Is this why Ben's going to the bathroom all the time? And those client files he's always taking with him, is that what they are?

I always thought Ben's old age was responsible for his frequent restroom trips. Now I'm not so sure. Men do have their needs, I suppose, and as Ben pretty much lives in the office, maybe it's understandable.

But maybe I'm rushing to judgment. What, besides the obvious, are the other uses of KY?

Lip gloss, shaving treatment, massage oil, hair gel, puffy eye treatment?

His lips are never shiny, I don't see any razors, I doubt he gives himself massages except the one that brought my original disgust, his hair is never gelled and I don't see a comb, so maybe it's puffy eye treatment, although there's no freezer to stick the KY in.

Any other uses?

For the record, I'm not eavesdropping on my boss. I'm allowed, and encouraged to sit at his desk, and I don't go through the shelves.

I started washing my hands after leaving the office.

Waterman the idiot

The boss has left for Europe, to be with his wife's family and to send me imbecilic emails throughout the day and night. He's only been there since Saturday and already there are problems.

He attempted to file an accounting of an estate. As I mentioned in an earlier post, he's been doing estate stuff since the 1970s. But after all this time, does he know how to do an accounting? Nope. Apparently I have to fix it tomorrow because the court rejected it. Things are in the wrong place, e.g. in Schedule B instead of Schedule D, and some stuff isn't in there at all. I have to put it in, but don't know where to look in his ocean of documents covering the floor.

How is it that after over 30 years he doesn't know anything in the field that is his specialty? He's got a fracking LLM in it. NYU must be a really crappy law school, because he knows squat.

Juan the compulsive cleaner has also ventured into estates with Ben Waterman's success. Last week the court rejected his petition for "a voluntary administration." Even I know there's no such thing. There are voluntary accountings and there are applications for letters of administration. It seems Juan has not learned that following Ben's advice is not a good way to go.

The funny thing, not from the client's perspective, is that Ben makes more money off his mistakes than he would if he did it right the first time. Everything takes him three times as long to do because he's always messing up.

If you care at all about those who will inherit your property, avoid lawyers at all costs. Set up transfer on death accounts and trusts whenever possible.