Good grades in law school while slacking

As I said before, I'm a slacker. I try to do things with the least effort possible. I went through law school in just that way, finishing in the top third of my class.

When you select courses for your second year, find professors that don't cold call or take attendence. This information can be found from your fellow law students, from websites such as ratemyprofessors.com, and possibly from your law school, if it has a course evaluation system. You can also try to email the professors from an annonymous address to ask them.

When you have a list of such professors, try to take classes that will have a lot of people in them--at least 40--so your absenses won't be missed.

The beauty of taking large classes with professors that don't cold call is that you don't ever have to show up. For example, I took a human rights course that had a take home final. I showed up a total of four times. The first two sessions to make sure the professor really didn't randomly call on people or take attendence, once around the middle of the term because I was feeling a bit guilty about not showing up, and once on the last day of class to find out about the final. I got an A in the class. Many of my classmates, those WASPS of different ethnicities, who apparently went to every session, took lots of notes, and participated their hearts out did worse.

When choosing courses, don't let the subject matter sway you away from the right professors. All legal subjects are the same, only the keywords are different. The classes follow the same formula of reading cases, talking about them (stupid questions and annoying comments from classmates), and taking a final. Does it really matter if it's Copyright or Torts?

When you do show up in class, sit in some far off corner or in a crowd, so your sudden appearance or many disappearances won't be noticed. If the professor doesn't take attendence, there's absolutely no point in being in class.

But doesn't the professor explain things? I guess, but that's what commercial outlines are for. You'll buy them anyway. If you read them instead of going to class, you'll save time, and you won't have your law nerd classmates' idiocy to confuse you.

Never buy the textbooks. They're expensive, heavy, and useless. Do buy the 2,000 page Conviser Mini Review for the state in which you'll take the bar. Textbook cases are just supposed to teach you the basic concepts, which is something you'll find in the Mini Review on any subject, while at the same time studying for the bar exam. Sweet, huh? The Mini Review is all you neeed. Keep it in your locker, and read it when you're cutting class.

If you end up with a professor who calls on people based on the class roll, borrow someone's textbook to make copies of the cases you'll be asked questions on when it's your turn. Go to westlaw and lexis, and get the summaries of the cases. Then skim the cases themselves. You don't have to read them carefully, since all that will do is tell you that the judge who wrote the opinion is a terrible writer. The Conviser has all the legal answers, and the lexis and westlaw summaries give you the facts. You don't need anything else. Even if you get things wrong when you're called on, it won't look like you didn't do the reading. So it might be a little embarrassing, but isn't it already sort of shameful that you're in law school?

Although your classes and professors are selected for you in your first year, you can still slack off. Don't go classes where attendence isn't taken. Use that time to read for classes where the professor cold calls.

Try to befriend a couple of law nerds who know what's going on. These are usually the poloshirt wearing WASPS and the Jewish Princesses. As all law students are insecure, it's easy to befriend them. They want people to like them and to talk to them, even if it's just using them. In fact, given their backgrounds, in that fake upper middle class suburban and Ivy League world of theirs, being used and using is the only social interaction they know. You might start off by saying that they have something on their lip or eye (works better if they don't have a mirror). They rub that place and you say it's all gone. Now they're grateful, the insecure bastards, and a fruitful (for you) acquaintence is in the works.

You might feel bad about using people in this way, but remember these two things:

1. Law school students are not people. They are future lawyers.

2. This is what law is all about. If you truly find it reprehensible, you'll never make it in the legal field. Drop out now, before you lose your soul. (I should have done this. Instead, this blog is my therapy.)

By cutting classes where no one will notice you're gone and using that time to prepare for classes where they will call on you you'll find that you have a lot of extra time. By not buying textbooks, you'll find that you have extra money.

You might be wondering, what about finals? If your professor lets you bring anything you want into the testing room (many do) bring your Mini Review. You might also want to check if there are any outlines posted for that professor. I got an A in my Copyright class by copying verbatim from an outline I found posted on the Student Bar Association website at my school.

If your professor doesn't let you bring anything into the testing room, you have to memorize. Now, if you've been reading the cases all along throughout the entire semester, would you really remember everything, or would you, like most people, have to read and memorize a commercial outline? Chances are you're in the latter group, so not reading during the semester actually saved you time. Use the Mini Review, and, if you must, another commercial outline for the course to memorize.