Has Alzheimer's Set In?

I got up later than usual on Wednesday. The boss informed me on Tuesday that he would be in court for oral arguments on a motion he succeeded in submitting to the court three weeks ago, and then at a CLE course all morning. What better time to slack off? I decided to sleep more and come to work a bit later.

When I arrived an hour late, Ben was already in the office. He had come in a couple of minutes before me. I learned this from neat freak Juan's associate. When Ben saw me, he said that apparently the court had other business that day, and motion arguments were scheduled for next week.

Not a terrible mistake; it happens to most people once or twice in their lives. For instance, in law school I have attempted to cut classes when none were scheduled, and attempted to attend classes that were cancelled. This was partly due to my not being present when cancellations were announced.

The rest of the day, and week, however, demonstrated that Ben Waterman is slowly becoming senile.

There's a simple rule surrogate courts have in estate cases when there's one distributee: they require an heirship affidavit. It's a simple document saying basically that the person signing it knew the dead person for x amount of time, and the sole distributee is in fact the dead person's closest living relative.

This situation arose in one of our cases. I ask Ben for whom I should write (we say "draft" in lawyer speak--it seems that whenever an allusion to drinking can be made it is) the affidavit. Ben's been doing decedents' estates for three decades, as I mention again and again. After correcting me, it's draft, not write, Ben said he didn't understand why the affidavit was needed. He made me call the court, then he called the court, and still, he could not understand. It took over an hour for something that takes me about 10 minutes to write.

Then there was the estate accounting he's been working on for two years. The executor's getting a bit antsy, and Ben is quickening his pace. The court has rejected his papers in this case several times, each time giving him specific instructions on what to fix. He has tried to get me to do it. Because I have no competence in such matters, I have until now managed to resist.

The court's instructions were pretty clear on some points. For example, expenses prior to death go in schedule D, not C, where Ben had them. So, I look up when the person died, take all the figures from before that date in C and move them to D. Ben is with me on this. Because several amounts were removed from C and added to D, the totals for the two schedules have to be changed. It's not rocket science. Ben does not understand why the totals have to be changed. Dude, we moved $4,000 from C to D. From C's total we have to subtract $4,000, and add $4,000 to D. Ben does not understand. He says, fine, you do the rest. Then he concentrates on getting a mortgage on his house.

Why would a lawyer with 30 plus years under his belt need to mortgage his house? Either he's broke or he's crazy. Want to work super long days for decades and the need to borrow money? Be a lawyer.

Ben's wife doesn't seem to work, his kids, part of my slacker generation, only call him to ask for money, he's got a maid, and travels to Europe when the dollar's worth shit. Meanwhile, he's trying to save a few bucks a month by downgrading his cell phone plan. This is a person who sells advice for a living. I feel sorry for him.